i dont know about anyone else, but when i get upset, or am emotionally rubbed the wrong way
i get this feeling in my upper stomach, below my diaphragm, and it feels like ice and fire burning slowly, the ice never melting, never cooling, the fire never waning,
i dont know what it is, but i feel it every time. and i feel it now, i feel like its anger, i feel like its hate, i feel like its hurt.. n im tired of always being so hurt all the time, I wonder why i’m like this, why my hurt, n disappointments always turn to anger, rage, nothing else.
i’m starting to think its because i treat every single fucking thing like its a personal attack towards me, i dont know why i do this.. I just do. everything is personal,
when its really just not.. and i can’t ever take five minutes to stop and think, maybe this happened, just because it fucking happened, not because the world is transpiring against me, maybe this person said this because they’re having a really shitty day, not because they think I’m a shitty person
its so hard to think of the world impersonally, because its like this is my experience, this is all i know; how i see/view things, but now im starting to see that how i view things is so twisted, distorted, and unreal.. & because of this i’m starting to doubt everything even my own fleeting thoughts and feelings
if i am not my thoughts then what am i? if i’m not my emotions then what am i? i dont know.
i just hope i figure this shit out soon
i’m on the verge of pushing pushing PUSHING the fucking love of my life away, i’m on the verge of pushing EVERYONE the fuck away, because nothing makes sense, and everything hurts and im just irreversibly sensitive, & cant deal with my own sensitiveness.
venting actually helps so much tho. Peace yall.
people without passwords on their phones are the strongest and most terrifying people you will ever meet